Recently in the news, Chinese mother, Amy Chua, published the book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, as well as an essay titled “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior”. In her piece, she mentions how she chose to raise her two daughters, and how it was “successful”. Yeah academically I wouldn’t doubt it. Both daughters, Sophia and Louisa (Lulu), (currently 18 and 13) never got a grade below an A (they “weren’t allowed to”, according to Chua).
In her book, she talks about her parenting style, why it “worked”, and why she thinks it is better than the “permissive Western parenting style”. To say Chua is a strict parent is an understatement. Talk about a parent who doesn’t allow their kids to have playdates, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activity, etc (click on the article above for more specifics). Her daughters were raised to focus strongly on schoolwork and were required to play piano and violin (they were not allowed to play any other instrument) hours each day.
Throughout her piece, at least from what I could tell, she seems assume all Chinese parents are like her. Maybe not to such extreme, but nonetheless that this is the “Chinese” way.
I cannot believe any mother would raise their children like this. To infringe on their freedoms and basically take away the normal childhood seems wrong. Reading this one particular story made me particularly mad. It went like this: Amy Chua was celebrating her birthday with her husband and two daughters, 7 and 4 at the time, when they gave her a handmade birthday card.
"More accurately, it was a piece of paper folded crookedly in half, with a big happy face on the front. Inside, 'Happy Birthday, Mummy! Love, Lulu' was scrawled in crayon above another happy face. I gave the card back to Lulu. 'I don't want this,' I said. 'I want a better one – one that you've put some thought and effort into. I have a special box, where I keep all my cards from you and Sophia, and this one can't go in there.' I grabbed the card again and flipped it over. I pulled out a pen and scrawled 'Happy Birthday Lulu Whoopee!' I added a big sour face. … 'I reject this.'" [an excerpt from her book]
I am in shock that any parent would do this to her children. Her whole parenting style seems too much, in my opinion. It seems like she is raising robots. Yeah maybe her style would be okay if all we wanted were flawless brains. But the interesting thing about humans is their characteristics, their individual interests, beliefs. And not allowing children to try new things (school plays, sports, etc.) seems to be depriving them. Clearly “success” is defined in many different ways, but do you think this the “successful” way to raise a child?
I see what you are saying, Brooks. But I think there may be more to the story than just Chua being a overbearing mother.
ReplyDeleteI happened on this article a while ago when someone in my advisery mentioned it. There is a part where Lulu has to play a piano piece, but cannot do it. Her mom doesn't let her give up, even when her father doesn't seem to think she can play it. Finally, after what seems to be "crazy" parenting, Lulu finally plays the piece.
Chua later wrote about the incident, "[O]ne of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't."
From this part of the article, there seems to be true success in Chua's parenting style. Superficially, yes, she is a mean, strict mother. But I think underneath, she is instilling some very important values in her children.
I actually wrote about this issue also, check it out at http://gotrevs.blogspot.com/2011/02/eye-of-tiger-mother.html :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you Brooks. When I read this article, I was shocked at this parenting style and felt sorry for the poor daughters who have to put up with this. The "Chinese" way of bringing up children may seem completely acceptable in different parts of the world, but Chua is doing a disservice to her daughters by raising them like this in a place where majority of the parents are considered "Western". I really like when you said, " But the interesting thing about humans is their characteristics, their individual interests, beliefs. And not allowing children to try new things (school plays, sports, etc.) seems to be depriving them." And I agree. Not everyone is wired to become Einsteins in math and science and Mozarts in piano and violin. I think parents should focus on what their children enjoy and let them grow with that, not try to fit them into the mold of the "perfect" child.